My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
