That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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