We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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