I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
