Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
