i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
