did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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