do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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