i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
