people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
