i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
