He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The ass gains better be worth it
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