god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
