I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
