you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
