Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
