remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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