Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
