I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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