it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
