My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
