i think i have two assholes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
