ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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