By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
