I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
