I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
