Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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