At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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