Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
