im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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