He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hippo gnu deer
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
