after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
