and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
