The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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