He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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