I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
