I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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