Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No subtext here. People are naked.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
