he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
