is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
