Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
