trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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