i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
