your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
