We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
