My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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