i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
