I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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