We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
