When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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