Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
