fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
