I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
